i’m afraid to put you down
silence screams but i won’t sound
every spark echoes my voice
bouncing back still drowning noise

i get so low i reach for sky
float too high forget to ask why
weed hits deep i lose my sight
so maybe tonight i turn to wine

blunt on my lip lazy kiss of escape
hangs between my teeth i sigh i breathe
fixation fed relief drifts in
momentary peace a quiet sin

smoke folds heavy slow in the air
fog all around still i don’t care
clouds pressing close mind feels clear
i don’t wanna feel just disappear
every pull a promise every breath a threat
this isn’t indulgence it’s my reset

fighting habits i swore i’d quit
midnight’s mercy burns legit
each night a test i fail
chasing peace that feels so frail

they say to heal i must confront
but numbness wins before i hunt
quiet doesn’t mean calm inside
just smoke where thoughts collide

i light again inhale exhale
hoping the rush won’t fail
head high eyes closed
body afloat heart froze

i worship the high the way i should praise him
grace still finds me when my light grows dim
thank him for the outlet mercy in disguise
without these clouds above me i’d be buried under skies

the blunt hits my lip first pull brings peace
grabba hits my chest my chest release
fog in the air my mind awake
looped in highs don’t ask why i take

weed too strong so i sip the wine
sauvignon blanc pinot grigio line
red spills like blood stains my sleeve
every drop a sin every pour reprieve

the lord made wine and so did i
his forgives mine just gets me by
vices biblical carved in my spine
he never leaves when i cross the line

instead of fighting what i can’t confess
i sip to forget what my mind won’t rest
smoke and prayer both meet in me
he finds me still wherever i be

without these highs i’d be six feet deep
he gave me an outlet room to breathe
trying to trust trying to lay it down
comfort still floats in what drowns

drugs hold tight alcohol sweet
mercy catches me on repeat
tangled in sin craving release
holy escape counterfeit peace

ash in the tray glass on its side
sun creeping in no place to hide
high wore off ache lingers near
mirror reflects clarity clear

i chased peace through smoke and wine
but every fix just stole my time
silence hits sober and raw
i crave grace i want more

learning stillness not escape
letting the hurt take its shape
mercy now not dopamine
breathing truths i used to screen

head high no cloud this time
eyes wide i face mine
no blunt no pour no alibi
just me and god beneath the sky

temptation hums a lullaby
peace doesn’t come when i get high
it comes when i surrender slow
hands off the flame heart letting go

the lord still whispers through the haze
child you’re more than your escape
not healed but aligned
grateful breath still by design

if i drift remind me why
you gave me wings not smoke to fly
head high knees bent low
praising the light that won’t let go

i’m coming down
i’m coming now

smoke fades out the light breaks through
i lost my way He pulled me through
breath feels heavy but hope’s in view
i’m not the same i’m something new

i breathe what’s left i face what’s real
grace don’t numb it helps me feel
eyes still heavy but vision clear
can’t run from pain it’s what got me here

head high heart low no mask no show
i’m coming down but i won’t let go
head high knees bent low
i’m coming home He won’t let go

i find my way back to you
at this point you don’t know who
am i chasing a fix or finding the truth

don’t lend it a hand offer it a soul
please make it gentle i’m losing control
leave it to the man it’s all i know

i might know better but never enough
i live in the clouds that’s where we touch
you see me at my most high
and i thank the Most High

who will save me first the drugs or the Lord
grace in the glass scripture I pour

do you hear me still
my prayers spill through
thin as smoke
but rising
back to you