A day before I left for my 50-day vacation, my dad gave me a call. He didn't immediately switch to FaceTime, so I knew that it was serious.

"I think it's time for Memphis... he hasn't been doing that well this week. He has these sores, they just keep showing up everyday and his front legs are gone too."

As much as I hate to admit it, this decision was a long time coming. About a year prior, Memphis' hind legs began steadily weakening, his muscles were literally atrophying, but we got him a wheelchair and he persisted. Looking at him now, I see a shadow of my adorably plump dog... he's skin and bones, unable to move. He looks malnourished even through he eats 3 meals a day. It's like his body is diverting all of its nutrients to just keep his vital functioning afloat. His soft fur has been falling out in clumps. His big black eyes are cloudy with cataracts and he summons all of his energy to let out a whisper of a bark. He's been in pain for a long time.

Selfishly, I wish my dad had come to terms with this sooner, realized that Memphis was not going to get better and made the decision to let him go. At least I could have been there, for my best friend in his last moments. But it's hard, we hold on for as long as we can. I don't think my dad was hoping for a miracle, he knew the reality of the situation. I suppose he was hoping that Memphis' heart would give out and he and my mom wouldn't have to plan out his death. But he sees my dog and has finally come to terms with the fact that this needs to be done.

When we finally had that family meeting and set a date for Memphis to be put to sleep (Tuesday, April 14), I was experiencing a lot of emotions. The sadness of course, but a nauseating feeling that I couldn't be there, and a flood of memories of the 14 years that he spent with our family.

I'm on a plane to Copenhagen right now, there are tears streaming down my face as I write this, but I wanted to record some of the memories I shared with Memphis. I've continued adding to it throughout my trip too. I've been experiencing this gut wrenching feeling which I now recognize as anticipatory grief. Writing this has helped me process some of those emotions, but not enough to where I can't stop myself from crying in public.

I don't care if anyone reads this, but I want to remember him forever. Beyond pictures, with just my words.

Before Memphis

I have a twin brother and for as long as I can remember, we always wanted a dog. I remember I had an internal rule where I would ask my parents twice a day, each parent, and I must have kept this up for a year or something.

In my art class in school, we had this task where we had to create a family portrait in the style of Worli art, a traditional painting style from Mahrashtra in India. I remember painting a little dog alongside my brother and my parents. The next week, my dad said he would get my brother and I a dog for our 10th birthday. I swear to God, I manifested it.

"I'm getting the dog, okay? You guys have to promise to take care of it."

My mom wasn't in favor of it. I used to think it was hater behavior, but I later realized that she also grew up with a dog which she had for 16 years. The depth of pain when she passed was unbearable. She didn't want to go through it again, I understand it now.

Majority rules though, and I vividly remember scrolling through the EuroPuppy website to see the dog we wanted. I can't remember why or how we found Memphis specifically, but he had beady little eyes and a tiny nose that hadn't fully grown. He looked a little angry with these furrowed brows. I really wanted him.

*Also side note, I grew up in Dubai where there weren't animal shelters for a long time. The shelters were mostly for dogs who had PARVO, so really the only pathway to get dogs were through puppy mills. I am now educated on the dangers of puppy mills and vow to only adopt in the future, but I wanted to write this as a clarifying statement.

Anyway, in the months leading up to Memphis arriving, I would check the website every day. For dogs that had been adopted, there was a little line that would write where and to whom the puppies were going. I'd check everyday to make sure the blue words, "Memphis is going to Mr. Rao in Dubai" hadn't somehow disappeared.

I told anyone who would listen. I told my 4th grade teacher, this Australian lady who had short red hair and was kind of racist, that I was getting a dog, a Cavalier specially. "Beautiful dogs, so beautiful... but also very stupid", she said. Hater words honestly, I ignored her. She was racist anyway.

When Memphis Came Home

I think it was the second half of 2012 when Memphis came home. This guy named Terry dropped him off. He wasn't even nervous when he ran out of the crate. He jumped straight into my dad's lap and started licking his face, jumping from person to person. He pooped on the patio outside before passing out on the couch.

I used to think he was smart because he wouldn't chase this tail. I thought that was thing that dogs did. He wouldn't chase his tail because he was lazy.

This was the second or third day after Memphis arrived. He was tiny, just like me. He didn't have a stupid ass haircut though.

Young Memp on the couch. His favorite place to be.

Memphis Early Life Arc (2013-2015)

Memphis moved everywhere with us. In 2013, our family moved to Paris where we lived in these hotel apartments in the city center. We had a house in a suburb that we were setting up week-by-week and Memphis would ride the metro with us everyday to get there. Poor guy also got an ear infection and would walk with his head tilted sideways. This was the start of a lifetime of ear infections.

There was one time when during the hotel apartment arc when Memphis accidentally got stuck in a bedroom. We were out because we went to Parc Asterix, but Memphis got freaked out and scratched the wallpaper off. We got back and saw the insane damage and told the hotel staff. Turns out there was actually mould in the walls and we got a ROOM UPGRADE.

I spent a lot of time with him, taking him on his afternoon walks after school. I'd walk around this idyllic neighborhood, looking at the beautiful houses, letting him wander around, and even talking to the neighbors sometimes. One time, there was this scary Jack Russel Terrier with yellow, rotten teeth and he climbed out of his wired fence to sniff Memphis. After we left, I saw the Jack Russel just standing on the road. I thought he'd get hit by a car so I tried to usher the dog to his yard but he just jumped at me, literally almost bit my nose off. I screamed, picked up Memphis, and we ran home.

There was some more movement after this. We moved back to Dubai where he stayed with my cousin's family while we shipped our lives across the ocean again. There, he had an enemies to best friends moment with my cousin's dog, Sherlock. Unfortunately Sherlock passed unexpectedly last year. I wish they could have spent more time together.

Memphis Later Life Arc (2015-2022)

In 2015, my family moved to Houston. I think we had (mostly) good times those years.

I would take him for early morning walks before school where I would regularly encounter my neighbors and their dogs. Memphis was popular, his friends could spot him from a mile away and they'd begin furiously wagging their tails in excitement.

He met my friends, hung out with us during sleepovers, and not surprisingly, won all of them over because he was so cute. When my grandparents would visit from Dubai, we would take walks together and he would walk beside them at their pace, step by step. He was a wonderful dog.

Memphis post-getting wet in the rain. I always liked when his ear hair crimped up as it dried.

The biggest scare was in my junior year of high school. My mom and I noticed a lump when we were giving Memphis a bath. The vet biopsied it, did a surgery to remove it, but found that it was a highly aggressive cancer and estimated that Memphis only had months to live. That summer, I was also working at a cancer hospital doing research. I'd go to work and then come back home and cry. On walks, I'd tear up thinking this would be one of the last times I could walk with him.

There was one time I was a puddle of tears on my bedroom floor and he walked over to curl up next to me. That made me cry even more, but I think it's the only time he ever reacted to me crying.

All while this was happening, my mom was giving my dog these Ayurvedic medicines she sourced from my cousin's chemist grandfather. When the vets did their next staging scan, the cancer had mysteriously disappeared? It was crazy, either this was a wild misdiagnosis or the medication worked. We took it as a win, six years was too early for him to go.

Memphis celebrating his COVID birthday. He was turning 8 here, and I made him this party hat that I would force him to wear every birthday after that.

Memphis Elderly Arc (2022 - Present)

My family moved AGAIN and Memphis was aging too. It wasn't as easy to see him because my parents moved out of state. I'd still get plenty of those FaceTime pictures though.

We noticed he wasn't responding to his name as much, eventually losing all of his hearing. His eyes became cloudy and I noticed the hair above turning grey. We were all getting older it seemed. His back legs started splaying a lot too, he wasn't able to hold himself up and it seems like he was relying solely on momentum to propel himself from place to place. Eventually, he stopped being able to use hind legs and we used a wheelchair as a mobility aid.

Memphis using his wheelchair, very focused.

Through all of this, my little dog has always been remarkably resilient. As long as he gets his food, my dog is willing to go through anything. He has been a source of love, joy, happiness, relief, and everything that is beautiful in the world.

I've been out of my parents' home for about 6 years now. In that time, I feel like he has definitely much closer to my parents, and they to him. But there are times when I imagine him sleeping beside me the way he used to. His tiny chest, rising and falling with each breath, carrying the weight of the world.

But Memphis, there are a few things I wish we had done. We should have taken you to the beach, we should have let your coat grow longer more often because you looked very majestic, and we should have brushed your teeth everyday. I also wished I stayed with you while I was studying for the MCAT that Winter. Your condition was getting worse but studying for the exam was so demanding. I will always regret not doing more to care for you. We were not the perfect dog owners, but I think you were the perfect dog.

Memphis loves many things: dosas, sunbathing, inner ear rubs, getting blow dried when he's wet, my dad's shirts, my grandmother's cotton saris, food (general), and crispy Envy apples with the skin peeled off. He is the best thing that ever came into my life, the source of my happiness, and my best friend in the world. These stories barely scratch the surface, I've shared a lifetime of love and memories with him.

I'll do my best to think of him with love, maybe with a twinge of pain, that's only natural though. 14 years was way more than I thought we would have, but I'm grateful for every single one of them. It feels both so long but also painfully short. I hope you enjoyed your time with us buddy, you'll be with me forever. I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you but I'll think of you everyday. I'll miss you so much. I hope that I can see you in my dreams and we can take a nap in the sunroom like we used to. Thank you for being the best dog in the world. I love you so much.

03.09.2012 - 04.14.2026

Here are some of my favorite pictures:

Memphis in our favorite house. He loved sitting in the yard and staring at passersby.

Memphis in his winter jacket, so proper.

A painting my friend commissioned of us in the style of an Aya Takano painting. I loved it then and I'll love it even more now.

My college radio DJ name. Memphis is everywhere.

Memphis enjoying the warmth in his old age. He enjoys the small things.

A day before I left for my 50-day vacation, my dad gave me a call. He didn't immediately switch to FaceTime, so I knew that it was serious.

"I think it's time for Memphis... he hasn't been doing that well this week. He has these sores, they just keep showing up everyday and his front legs are gone too."

As much as I hate to admit it, this decision was a long time coming. About a year prior, Memphis' hind legs began steadily weakening, his muscles were literally atrophying, but we got him a wheelchair and he persisted. Looking at him now, I see a shadow of my adorably plump dog... he's skin and bones, unable to move. He looks malnourished even through he eats 3 meals a day. It's like his body is diverting all of its nutrients to just keep his vital functioning afloat. His soft fur has been falling out in clumps. His big black eyes are cloudy with cataracts and he summons all of his energy to let out a whisper of a bark. He's been in pain for a long time.

Selfishly, I wish my dad had come to terms with this sooner, realized that Memphis was not going to get better and made the decision to let him go. At least I could have been there, for my best friend in his last moments. But it's hard, we hold on for as long as we can. I don't think my dad was hoping for a miracle, he knew the reality of the situation. I suppose he was hoping that Memphis' heart would give out and he and my mom wouldn't have to plan out his death. But he sees my dog and has finally come to terms with the fact that this needs to be done.

When we finally had that family meeting and set a date for Memphis to be put to sleep (Tuesday, April 14), I was experiencing a lot of emotions. The sadness of course, but a nauseating feeling that I couldn't be there, and a flood of memories of the 14 years that he spent with our family.

I'm on a plane to Copenhagen right now, there are tears streaming down my face as I write this, but I wanted to record some of the memories I shared with Memphis. I've continued adding to it throughout my trip too. I've been experiencing this gut wrenching feeling which I now recognize as anticipatory grief. Writing this has helped me process some of those emotions, but not enough to where I can't stop myself from crying in public.

I don't care if anyone reads this, but I want to remember him forever. Beyond pictures, with just my words.

Before Memphis

I have a twin brother and for as long as I can remember, we always wanted a dog. I remember I had an internal rule where I would ask my parents twice a day, each parent, and I must have kept this up for a year or something.

In my art class in school, we had this task where we had to create a family portrait in the style of Worli art, a traditional painting style from Mahrashtra in India. I remember painting a little dog alongside my brother and my parents. The next week, my dad said he would get my brother and I a dog for our 10th birthday. I swear to God, I manifested it.

"I'm getting the dog, okay? You guys have to promise to take care of it."

My mom wasn't in favor of it. I used to think it was hater behavior, but I later realized that she also grew up with a dog which she had for 16 years. The depth of pain when she passed was unbearable. She didn't want to go through it again, I understand it now.

Majority rules though, and I vividly remember scrolling through the EuroPuppy website to see the dog we wanted. I can't remember why or how we found Memphis specifically, but he had beady little eyes and a tiny nose that hadn't fully grown. He looked a little angry with these furrowed brows. I really wanted him.

*Also side note, I grew up in Dubai where there weren't animal shelters for a long time. The shelters were mostly for dogs who had PARVO, so really the only pathway to get dogs were through puppy mills. I am now educated on the dangers of puppy mills and vow to only adopt in the future, but I wanted to write this as a clarifying statement.

Anyway, in the months leading up to Memphis arriving, I would check the website every day. For dogs that had been adopted, there was a little line that would write where and to whom the puppies were going. I'd check everyday to make sure the blue words, "Memphis is going to Mr. Rao in Dubai" hadn't somehow disappeared.

I told anyone who would listen. I told my 4th grade teacher, this Australian lady who had short red hair and was kind of racist, that I was getting a dog, a Cavalier specially. "Beautiful dogs, so beautiful... but also very stupid", she said. Hater words honestly, I ignored her. She was racist anyway.

When Memphis Came Home

I think it was the second half of 2012 when Memphis came home. This guy named Terry dropped him off. He wasn't even nervous when he ran out of the crate. He jumped straight into my dad's lap and started licking his face, jumping from person to person. He pooped on the patio outside before passing out on the couch.

I used to think he was smart because he wouldn't chase this tail. I thought that was thing that dogs did. He wouldn't chase his tail because he was lazy.

This was the second or third day after Memphis arrived. He was tiny, just like me. He didn't have a stupid ass haircut though.

Young Memp on the couch. His favorite place to be.

Memphis Early Life Arc (2013-2015)

Memphis moved everywhere with us. In 2013, our family moved to Paris where we lived in these hotel apartments in the city center. We had a house in a suburb that we were setting up week-by-week and Memphis would ride the metro with us everyday to get there. Poor guy also got an ear infection and would walk with his head tilted sideways. This was the start of a lifetime of ear infections.

There was one time when during the hotel apartment arc when Memphis accidentally got stuck in a bedroom. We were out because we went to Parc Asterix, but Memphis got freaked out and scratched the wallpaper off. We got back and saw the insane damage and told the hotel staff. Turns out there was actually mould in the walls and we got a ROOM UPGRADE.

I spent a lot of time with him, taking him on his afternoon walks after school. I'd walk around this idyllic neighborhood, looking at the beautiful houses, letting him wander around, and even talking to the neighbors sometimes. One time, there was this scary Jack Russel Terrier with yellow, rotten teeth and he climbed out of his wired fence to sniff Memphis. After we left, I saw the Jack Russel just standing on the road. I thought he'd get hit by a car so I tried to usher the dog to his yard but he just jumped at me, literally almost bit my nose off. I screamed, picked up Memphis, and we ran home.

There was some more movement after this. We moved back to Dubai where he stayed with my cousin's family while we shipped our lives across the ocean again. There, he had an enemies to best friends moment with my cousin's dog, Sherlock. Unfortunately Sherlock passed unexpectedly last year. I wish they could have spent more time together.

Memphis Later Life Arc (2015-2022)

In 2015, my family moved to Houston. I think we had (mostly) good times those years.

I would take him for early morning walks before school where I would regularly encounter my neighbors and their dogs. Memphis was popular, his friends could spot him from a mile away and they'd begin furiously wagging their tails in excitement.

He met my friends, hung out with us during sleepovers, and not surprisingly, won all of them over because he was so cute. When my grandparents would visit from Dubai, we would take walks together and he would walk beside them at their pace, step by step. He was a wonderful dog.

Memphis post-getting wet in the rain. I always liked when his ear hair crimped up as it dried.

The biggest scare was in my junior year of high school. My mom and I noticed a lump when we were giving Memphis a bath. The vet biopsied it, did a surgery to remove it, but found that it was a highly aggressive cancer and estimated that Memphis only had months to live. That summer, I was also working at a cancer hospital doing research. I'd go to work and then come back home and cry. On walks, I'd tear up thinking this would be one of the last times I could walk with him.

There was one time I was a puddle of tears on my bedroom floor and he walked over to curl up next to me. That made me cry even more, but I think it's the only time he ever reacted to me crying.

All while this was happening, my mom was giving my dog these Ayurvedic medicines she sourced from my cousin's chemist grandfather. When the vets did their next staging scan, the cancer had mysteriously disappeared? It was crazy, either this was a wild misdiagnosis or the medication worked. We took it as a win, six years was too early for him to go.

Memphis celebrating his COVID birthday. He was turning 8 here, and I made him this party hat that I would force him to wear every birthday after that.

Memphis Elderly Arc (2022 - Present)

My family moved AGAIN and Memphis was aging too. It wasn't as easy to see him because my parents moved out of state. I'd still get plenty of those FaceTime pictures though.

We noticed he wasn't responding to his name as much, eventually losing all of his hearing. His eyes became cloudy and I noticed the hair above turning grey. We were all getting older it seemed. His back legs started splaying a lot too, he wasn't able to hold himself up and it seems like he was relying solely on momentum to propel himself from place to place. Eventually, he stopped being able to use hind legs and we used a wheelchair as a mobility aid.

Memphis using his wheelchair, very focused.

Through all of this, my little dog has always been remarkably resilient. As long as he gets his food, my dog is willing to go through anything. He has been a source of love, joy, happiness, relief, and everything that is beautiful in the world.

I've been out of my parents' home for about 6 years now. In that time, I feel like he has definitely much closer to my parents, and they to him. But there are times when I imagine him sleeping beside me the way he used to. His tiny chest, rising and falling with each breath, carrying the weight of the world.

But Memphis, there are a few things I wish we had done. We should have taken you to the beach, we should have let your coat grow longer more often because you looked very majestic, and we should have brushed your teeth everyday. I also wished I stayed with you while I was studying for the MCAT that Winter. Your condition was getting worse but studying for the exam was so demanding. I will always regret not doing more to care for you. We were not the perfect dog owners, but I think you were the perfect dog.

Memphis loves many things: dosas, sunbathing, inner ear rubs, getting blow dried when he's wet, my dad's shirts, my grandmother's cotton saris, food (general), and crispy Envy apples with the skin peeled off. He is the best thing that ever came into my life, the source of my happiness, and my best friend in the world. These stories barely scratch the surface, I've shared a lifetime of love and memories with him.

I'll do my best to think of him with love, maybe with a twinge of pain, that's only natural though. 14 years was way more than I thought we would have, but I'm grateful for every single one of them. It feels both so long but also painfully short. I hope you enjoyed your time with us buddy, you'll be with me forever. I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you but I'll think of you everyday. I'll miss you so much. I hope that I can see you in my dreams and we can take a nap in the sunroom like we used to. Thank you for being the best dog in the world. I love you so much.

03.09.2012 - 04.14.2026

Here are some of my favorite pictures:

Memphis in our favorite house. He loved sitting in the yard and staring at passersby.

Memphis in his winter jacket, so proper.

A painting my friend commissioned of us in the style of an Aya Takano painting. I loved it then and I'll love it even more now.

My college radio DJ name. Memphis is everywhere.

Memphis enjoying the warmth in his old age. He enjoys the small things.