All my life up until this point I believed that there was no god. There was no possible way for a god to exist in this world filled of hate, oppression, war, and crime. God is not real because if it was the world would prosper.
This was my interpretation of the purpose of what a god should do and be. Then, later in my life, I considered myself as agnostic. If there is a god it would should itself to us. If and only if there was a god it would make it's presence known.
Now, I've come to the realization that there is a god out there. God is not a physical being, God is not a spiritual being. God is God. I've only come to this realization as it makes life endurable and less miserable. I don't believe that I'll see God when I die, I believe that God will never show himself to me. I only believe that God is here to watch, but not to guide. God is here to watch, but not judge. God is not here to tell me what to do, what so say, or what I should think. Rather, God is here to be right in it's actions and morals. I am here to do what I want. God is not supposed to telling me what to do right, God is here to be right so I can look at God at and decide if I should do what God deems right, not what I deem right. If every individual were to decide what is right and wrong for themselves there would be chaos.
The thoughts I think and morals I hold are not a product of me, they are a product of my environment, in which the environment which was provided to me was provided by God. God does not care about me. God does not care if I believe in it. However, I know that God is right. Therefore, my morals and actions are a product of my environment placed upon me by God. Thid is also not to say that I should live like God and be perfect. I should do what I want regardless of what God does. God is only there to provide a basis of principle for me.
In a life without meaning you have to find your own purpose. But what purpose do you have when you believe that everything you do is right because you said it was?
That's just me though.