I hate my background. I was growing up in a low-middle family, my parents only could afford for the necessities in life, like 3 meals a day, paying fees at school, blaming on me when they got upset at work or ensure you're not that miserable.... but they're not the type of "taking care of the child image in society" or "teaching me what i shouldn't not what I should to survive the poor".

to overcome that, I learn by myself a lot of what I should have done to connect with people, I'm still clumsy a bit because that's not what i was taught when I was a kid then. Then by that, I got a scholarship to cover my bachelor study fee from year 3 to year 5, luckily the company also provide me a monthly stipend, sounds great right? But my mom took it all, so I used to play tricky a bit, I only share her a half, eventually it was still a big amount of money. Gosh, they always care about money, all the time, not my fucking feeling. When I get tired or something, all they can comfort was "Why you have to be tired? You didn't do anything so why you get tired, Sâu? I, I must be the one who is tired, I get exhausted of you."

It feels like a mental abuse, every fucking year. All of my achievements seem not impressed them a lot, even though how hard I tried, my mom wont recognized me at all, everything I did in my whole life. So then, I just want to get the fuck out of this country, faraway of my family as soon as possible.

Even i have to thank them a lot for helping me during my own struggling time when I was in uni. But for my people, whose parents are low middle class, iykyk they never teach us to protect ourselves in front of people, or build our security or ways to upgrade yourself mentally and physically. My mom and dad always told me to knee down to people, be obedient to them, listen to people and become the victim because our family cannot reach the higher.

Now I was completely collapse my belief for family, I get a job now (still pretty okay but only enough for me), cannot wait for a moment I leave here. While I get asked a lot for not taking care (means giving money) to them and my sister. I think I will left my sister in a next chapter. Now this part should be continue more on the evidence and demonstration, now I think my writing is a little emotional but see you on next blog one. I go to crying now 🥲